The ISOMMIL Support Group
by Josain Chennuth
Summary: Some years into the future, Ben, Doug, Jay, and Harry are all married men. Married men all have one thing in common: A certain terror that chills the heart of even the bravest in the land. It had become so bad for these four that they began a support group for it. Find out what happens at this month's meeting! Ships included: Bal, Devie, Jonnie, and Huma.


**This is one of the most random ideas I've ever had. If you know me, you know that I like elaborate acronyms (My proudest achievement is C.O.D.F.I.S.H., but I digress). I was originally gonna make this a tumblr chat post, but then I decided it'd be better as a little one-shot. That "little" one-shot ended up being 6k+ words XD. Anyway, I hope you get a kick out of this little slice of adult humor!**

* * *

"And I'll keep my phone with me in case you need anything–"

"Got it. Goodbye!"

"If you need more snacks or another bottle of wine–"

"I'll have a servant see to it."

Mal sighed as Ben persisted in his efforts to gently but promptly lead her to the castle door. It was the same thing every month, and it had been going on for a little less than a year now. It was the night when Ben hosted meetings for his book club. Mal didn't mind Ben wanting the castle to himself for a few hours because it gave her a night to shed the title of the King's Wife and just be herself. She normally spent the night going out on the town with her friends, who coincidentally were usually off and in town as well.

Mal turned to face him when they got to the door, pulling her purse further onto her shoulder. He had an urgent look on his face, but it relaxed slightly at her warm smile. Ben scratched the back of his neck sheepishly "Sorry," he entreated. "It's just that it's almost eight, and–"

"Ben, don't worry about it," she assured him as she smoothed a crease on his blue sweater. "I know how important this book club is to you. It's a good night for both of us." She pulled out her phone to scroll through a few messages, and Ben started chewing the inside of his cheek with mild impatience. "I'll be home before midnight," she told him.

"I might be asleep, but I'll see you in the morning," Ben stated enthusiastically. "Have a great night with your friends." Mal got on her toes and pecked his lips before turning and leaving through the doors, which were courteously opened by blue-and-gold clad servants. Ben watched her purple dress swaying about her knees as she made her way down the stairs and to the limo. An admiring gleam shone in the king's eye as his wife disappeared behind the purple limo door. He waved from the castle entrance as the limo drove around the fountain and out onto the road. Once it was out of sight, he pulled out his phone and hurriedly dialed a number. He pressed the device to his ear and waited for the ringing to end.

"Bring the boys," he said into the phone.

* * *

At 8:05 pm, the excessively symphonic doorbell sounded throughout the whole castle. Ben had just finished setting up in the living room when he heard it, so he stopped his last minute touches and ran to the front door. He nodded to the servants standing sentry at the double doors, and they each took a handle and pulled open the entrance. Standing outside were three men Ben's age: Doug, Jay, and Harry.

"Welcome, gents," Ben greeted them with his hands folded in front of him. He knit his eyebrows together and offered each of them a friendly smile. "How's everyone feeling tonight?"

"Not good, Ben," Doug answered glumly as he walked inside, holding a basket filled with freshly baked desserts. He wore a sweater over a collared shirt, similar to Ben except in his own emerald green color scheme. "I have a lot to talk about tonight."

"We're here for you, bud," Ben comforted his friend with a pat on his shoulder. Doug handed his basket to a servant and headed off to the living room while Ben greeted the rest of his guests. Jay, who was clad in his practice uniform for the Imperial Dragons–a professional swords and shields team–stepped forward with four pizza boxes in his arms. The smell of greasy cheese and fresh tomato sauce hit Ben's nose, and his stomach growled. He smirked at Jay and inquired, "Aren't you on a new diet?"

"C'mon, man," Jay groaned with a guilty smirk. "Are you really gonna play bad cop here?"

"'Course not," Ben chuckled. "I'm only teasing. Go on in."

Jay nodded and headed in the same direction as Doug. A servant offered to take the boxes, but Jay politely declined, insisting on handling his precious pizza pies himself. Ben turned his attention to his last guest, and he had to hold back an amused laugh. While the rest of them were dressed rather casually, Harry was wearing his whole Royal Navy ensemble. His badge-adorned, royal blue jacket was sharp and cleanly pressed, and his white pants were even more so. Ben had a feeling that after a night a pizza and wine, those pants wouldn't be as pristine as they were then. To make the look even more comical, Harry held two six-packs of beer in each hand.

"Nice outfit, Lieutenant Hook," Ben joked boldly, and Harry glared at him from under the rim of his hat.

"Shuddup, Suede Sweater," Harry shot back irritably. The military man looked down at his attire and sighed, "It's a long story."

Ben nodded and put his hands up in a truce. "You know I have drinks already, right?" Ben mentioned.

"I'm sick of yer fancy, good-boy drinks," Harry grumbled tiredly, his blue eyes emphasized by both his signature guyliner and the bags beneath them. "I'm havin' some real ale tonight."

He walked past Ben and towards the living room, and Ben sighed contently as his servants closed the doors. He dismissed the two young men, who immediately left the king to go attend to other duties about the castle.

Ben joined his company in the living room, where they were already sitting around the large coffee table, covered in their snacks and drinks. Ben took his seat at his side of the table and looked up at the banner on the wall, one which Mal had never seen. It read:

 _I.S.O.M.M.I.L. Support Group_

"Alright," Ben began, rubbing his hands on his khakis. "Let us begin with a renewal of our swear to keep everything said and done tonight a secret. Not a word is repeated outside of this room."

Ben raised his right hand, and every man in the room followed suit. All together, they recited, _"I swear to keep my mouth shut."_

"Perfect," Ben smiled, lowering his hand to pick up his glass of wine. "Let this month's meeting of the Isommil Support Group begin."

"I thought it was pronounced i–SAW–mil," Doug pointed out, his nose crinkled in confusion. "Not i–SOW–mil."

"Don't we have this argument every meeting?" Jay quipped as he pulled a whole box of pizza into his lap. He opened it up and pulled out a large slice of cheesy heaven. "It doesn't matter."

"I think all o' ye sound like idiots when ye try to say it," Harry grumbled before opening one of his beers and taking a long swig. Ben noticed how the sailor was particularly on edge this evening.

"How about you start us off?" Ben suggested. "You seem to have something on your mind."

"It's the same as always, Beasty Boy," Harry gibed, taking off his white uniform cap and running a hand through his hair. His harsh expression morphed into one of mixed terror and vulnerability, a face commonly adorned by the members of this 'book club.' "I haven't gotten a decent night's sleep in who knows how long. The nightmares keep coming back, and I just don't know how to get rid of 'em."

"Maybe it's your subconscious trauma or some shit like that," Jay said through a mouthful of pizza. He swallowed his food, burped, and added in distress, "At least your problems are just nightmares at this point. I'm stuck _in_ a living nightmare! I can't even pick up a piece of bacon without a sword being aimed at my throat!"

"That's rough, Jay," Ben agreed, knowing how much the son of Jafar loved his grease and griddle. "Now I see why you brought the pizza."

"I haven't had pizza in three months!" Jay exclaimed, his voice cracking. "Ever since I moved to Northern Wei to live with Lonnie…it just hasn't been the same, man. It's like my whole existence is just fruits and vegetables now."

"Fruits…" Doug mumbled in a horrified voice. "Apples…hi ho…"

"What's up wit 'im?" Harry asked, gesturing to the trembling man with a half-empty bottle in his hand.

Ben leaned forward and placed on a hand on Doug's shoulder. The king gave his friend a reassuring smile before coaxing, "You wanna say what's on your mind now?"

Doug stared at him for a moment and sighed, recollecting his bearings. He slowly nodded his head, and Ben released his shoulder. Doug faced his peers with a grave face and admitted, "I've developed an irrational phobia of apples."

In any other environment and in any other context, the gentlemen around him may have laughed, but they knew this was no laughing matter. It was something that haunted all of them, and it manifested in different ways: Harry's nightmares, Jay's lifestyle, and now Doug's malusdomesticaphobia.

The room remained silent for a second while the other men processed Doug's confession. Harry eventually shrugged and put out, "Okay, just don't eat apples anymore."

"It's more than just that," Doug argued, pulling his collar away from his neck as though it was restricting his breathing. "Almost all of Evie's jewelry is apple-based. I can't admire my own wife or even glance at her jewelry box without seeing…without seeing…"

"You don't have to say it, Doug," Ben consoled. "We all know the feeling."

"You're oddly quiet about your problems today, Ben," Jay called out as he started another slice of pizza. Ben self-consciously rubbed his fingers, which ached under the numerous band-aids wrapped around the digits. It wasn't anything major, but it made him dread the time of day when he had to feed crickets to _that_ two-inch monster. Ben looked at his wine glass, swirled the red fluid a few times, and downed the rest of its contents.

"Have another round, guys," Ben suggested, pouring himself another glass of wine. Doug did the same while Jay and Harry opened up their own beers. "We're gonna need it."

* * *

After a few more rounds of drinks and another hour of complaining, the gang decided Doug was dazed enough to face his fears. Ben brought an apple in from the kitchen and set it on the table. Doug was staring at the fruit with a fiery mix of determination and anger. He was not going to be afraid. He was going to show this apple that he was the _boss._

" _Bite! Bite! Bite! Bite!"_

While the other guys cheered him on, Doug took deep, aggressive breaths. Then, he snatched up the apple, dug his teeth into the skin, and tore a chunk from the fruit.

All of them jumped up and cheered like madmen at the spectacle. Jay poured a glass of wine on Doug's head in celebration, Harry grabbed his shoulders and shook him hard, and Ben popped open a bottle of champagne. It was all bizarre and admirable in its own right.

They all took their seats once more and continued to dig into their feast of pizza, chips, and cookies. Ben and Doug had long since ditched their itchy sweaters, and Harry had his jacket undone and his dress shirt down a few buttons. Jay snapped the waistband of his sweatpants over his abdomen and rubbed his belly with a delighted howl, "Oh, man! I am stuffed!"

"Come now, lad," Harry drawled, his accent thickening in his drunken state. "Ye not gonna eat like this fer a while. Shove anover one down."

Harry grabbed a slice of pizza off of one of the almost-empty boxes and flung it at Jay, who barely managed to catch it before it hit his shirt. A chunk of saucy cheese still slid off and nailed his practice jersey, but he didn't care at the moment. While he began gobbling the slice, Harry let out a hearty laugh. "Yer gonna chuck it up later anyway!" he exclaimed.

Ben wiped the sweat from his forehead and leaned back in his chair, a lazy smile sliding onto his face. He watched as the others prattled on. Doug was still eating the apple he so valiantly conquered. Jay and Harry looked far more relaxed than they did when they walked in. Ben cleared his throat drawing the attention to him, and said, "You know, I'm so glad that we have these meetings."

"Cheers to that, mate," Harry agreed, taking another sip from another bottle (he honestly lost count of how many he had). Doug and Jay nodded in affirmation.

"Sometimes, I wanna tell Mal," Ben confessed, looking down at his hands in his lap. "But I feel like she'd take it too lightly. I'll admit it's not the most groundbreaking issue, but you guys understand just how cold this… _this feeling_ gets."

"Well said, Ben," Doug mused, a hiccup playing at his words. "Even after so long, I still feel like I'm not what Evie deserves. If she found out about this, I'd look like even more of a wimp."

"Ye just made eatin' an apple as excitin' as one o' King Arthur's Quests," Harry pointed out. "I fink yer princess would be pretty proud o' dat. Me on the other hand, if my darlin' ever found out, she'd probably wring me neck fer lyin' fer so long."

"Oh God, Harry's right," Jay gulped, pressing a palm against his forehead. "I could never tell Lonnie. I'd be a dead man _and_ a disgraceful husband."

The mood of the room abruptly shifted from merry to serious in an instant. Ben didn't mean to make it as such, but he was bent on fixing it. He raised his glass and tapped it with a cake-covered fork to get the others' attention. Once all eyes were back on him, he proudly proclaimed, "Here's to the Isommil Support Group, and to our wives never finding out."

"Here, here," Harry slurred with a tilt of his bottle.

"Har, har," Jay repeated after Harry, except with his face stuffed with pizza.

"I still think it's i–SAW-mil," Doug enforced, but another hiccup brought back his giddy grin.

The rest of the guys laughed with him, but all went silent when they heard sounds coming from the front door.

Even worse, they heard the doors unlock and open.

Even worse than even worse, they heard voices that scared them all into sobering up immediately.

"–can't believe we drove all the way out into the city only for Miss Lady of the Court to forget her wallet."

Doug felt an incredible urge to run and hide.

"It's not my fault! Ben was so eager to get me out that I didn't have time to check for it."

Ben felt a chill go down his spine.

"I still don't understand why you need a wallet. Shouldn't the people of Auradon recognize you by now? You're the king's wife!"

Jay wanted to throw up, and it wasn't because of overeating or alcohol.

"Yeah, how do people recognize me more than they recognize you? I can't go anywhere without hearing about the _one evil thing_ I've done on national television."

Harry paled to an unhealthy shade of white.

"Just give it a rest guys. I'll go get my wallet. I think it's in the living room."

Ben's eyes widened in alarm, as did those of his club mates. They looked around the room to try and find an escape route, but they still wouldn't be able to hide the evidence that took the form of a giant mess. It looked like an Auradon University frat party tornado swarmed through the room.

A moment later, Mal turned the corner, and they were out of time.

Mal stopped dead in her tracks and looked at the scene before her. She thought she would walk in on a thoughtful discussion of a scholarly novel between Ben and a few of his neighbors or old college friends. What she saw was the complete opposite. Empty pizza boxes, drained wine bottles, and crumbs of chips and cookies all over the floor. Sure, the other men in the room were still friends from high school, but Mal could guess from the pizza-covered faces and the wine-stained clothes that a book was the last thing these guys were talking about.

"So," Mal pondered, crossing her arms over her chest. Ben nervously looked over the back of his chair at his wife's venomous gaze. "This is what you call 'book club?'"

She was soon joined by Evie, who froze at the sight in initial shock just as Mal did. When her brown eyes landed on Doug, her confusion turned to hurt, which was eminent in her voice as well. "Book club?" she implored, and her husband fumbled to grab at his glasses and put them back on his face. "Doug, I thought you said you were going to the supermarket."

Before Doug had a chance to reply, Lonnie came around the corner and gasped at the mess. What was even more shocking to her was her own husband, a strong-willed professional athlete, slouched in a couch chair with a half-eaten pizza slice in his hand. "Yeah, and Jay said he had an impromptu practice with his team," she told her friends, though she kept her eyes on Jay.

"What are you guys–" began an annoyed, sassy voice as Uma came into the room. She wasn't as bothered by the food everywhere and the empty bottles of alcohol as her friends were. What did bother her was the simple fact that Harry was there, and she had a good reason to be peeved. "This sure as hell don't look like a late night call into work," she scoffed as Harry looked over to meet her disapproving glower.

"Ben, what is all this?" Mal questioned, stepping into the room and looking around in dismay. There wasn't a single book in sight. The only remotely 'club' related thing was a banner on the wall with an acronym she didn't understand.

Ben pushed himself onto his feet, focusing hard to keep his balance as he faced Mal. "I can explain," Ben assured her, but the second he took in another deep breath, his voice failed him. He tried to imagine a way to make the situation seem less humiliating than it already was, but all he could conjure in his mind was Mal and her friends mocking him and his boys. All of his mental scenarios ended badly, so no actual explanation came out. His eyes darted about the room, and he sighed dejectedly, unable to speak. Frustrated, Mal threw her arms down stormed away to the other side of the room with Ben following close behind.

"I thought you said you hated apples," Evie mentioned delicately once she stood beside Doug. She was concerned for her fibbing husband. He was acting very unlike himself, and she didn't understand why he wouldn't tell her what was wrong. There was also a devoured apple core in his fist, which didn't add up because she could've sworn on her self-earned castle that he told her he hated apples (which burned a little because a lot of her accessories were apple-based).

"I–I do hate them," Doug stuttered, his voice faltering every few words. "It's just um I was uh, you know…" And then he trailed off. Same as Ben, he couldn't bring himself to say it out loud.

"C'mon Jay, you're better than this," Lonnie chastised him from her spot in front of him. Jay could barely keep his eyes open from the food coma, but the guilt sat just as heavy in his stomach. Lonnie was opinionated, but she was also very considerate of Jay's career and well-being. She understood the basic needs of an athlete, for she was one herself. "I understand if you needed a cheat day from your strict health regime. Everyone does! But you didn't have to sneak around to do it."

Jay sunk further into his couch chair. His pride was already so bruised by having Lonnie see him like this. He just couldn't bear to state the motivation behind his actions.

Harry couldn't move. He kept holding his breath, fearing the slightest movement would unleash a tsunami upon him. He couldn't even move his head to look at her, but he knew she was standing right next to his chair with her arms crossed over the front of her teal party dress. All sense of relaxation brought on by the alcohol had long since vanished. He just stared straight ahead, every second passing feeling like a whole minute the longer she stayed silent.

"Harry," she eventually said, her tone dangerously calm. Harry felt a lump form in his throat. When she spoke like that, he couldn't tell if she was mad or indifferent, even after years of knowing her.

"Uma, darlin'," he tried to sweetly flatter her with a cheeky smile and a glance in her direction, but one look at her quirked brow and unamused expression told him he wouldn't get off the hook so easily. He snapped his head back to look straight in front of him again, cleared his throat, and ran a hand through his hair. "So um, how was your evenin'?" he changed the subject.

"Oh, not all that exciting," Uma began explaining in a bored drawl as though it were a normal, everyday retelling of a story. However, her voice was dripping with a hint of accusation and a touch of betrayal that Harry would never dare to ignore. "I was actually hoping to spend the night with my husband, be he got called into work, so I ended up taking my friend's offer to go out with her and a couple others. Of course, dragon-breath over there realized she forgot her wallet when we got to the club, so we had to drive back to her castle in a gaudy purple limo. And now, here I am."

"Here you are," Harry repeated, his voice cracking nervously. All he could think to do was stall. Maybe one of the other guys would break first so he wouldn't have to explain, but the way he felt her eyes burning holes in the top of his head was making him go crazy–and not the good kind of crazy.

Uma narrowed her eyes at him, as curious as the other women about what this secret get-together was but also attentive enough to realize their approaches weren't working. The bright blue letters on the banner in front of her caught her eye. She understood the 'support group' part, but it was the beginning acronym that had no meaning to her. She put a hand on the back of Harry's chair and placed the other hand on her hip. "Harry," she queried expectantly. "What's isommil?"

"Doug thinks it's pronounced i–SAW–mil," Harry corrected factually in a risky attempt to keep delaying his impending doom.

"Do you really wanna play with me right now?" Uma sneered, leaning forward so she could catch his eye. Harry flinched at the increased annoyance building in her expression.

"No, of course not," he quickly insisted, turning in his chair to face her despite how much trouble he knew he was in. Habitual instinct told him to fall back and fess up, but he had no clue if it would actually help. Uma could find his explanation stupid and not worth the secrecy. It could wreck her opinion of him. Harry, like the rest of his little gang, feared the worst. "It's just…" he began, pausing to sigh. "It's so hard to say because it's really embarrassin'."

"Harry," Uma appealed with a reprimanding inflection, speaking only loud enough so Harry could hear her. "I was the laughing stock of the Isle for seven years. Don't you think I'd have a respectful level of sensitivity to that sorta thing?"

Now, the guilt ate away at Harry more than ever, and he had to turn away from Uma again. He threw his face into his hands, tugging at the ends of his hair to try and ground himself. He should never have lied, and he knew it. His consequence: he was going to be the one to say what they all feared admitting.

"I'm scared of my mother-in-law!"

The room went dead silent, and all eyes were on Harry. Uma was astonished at first, but her surprise melted into a fond smile as she rubbed the shoulder of her justifiably tormented husband.

The next noise in the room was a chorus of angry, wounded groans.

"Really Harry?!"

"C'mon man, you flaked on us!"

"Not cool, dude. We all took an oath!"

"Oh, shut up," Uma scolded all of them, her face scrunched up in disbelief at their audacity. "At least he has the guts to say it, unlike you weak-willed idiots."

"We're not idiots," Jay objected, finally pushing himself into a proper seated position.

"Yes, you are," Mal shot back at her old partner-in-crime. She rolled her eyes and turned back to Ben, who eyed her in anticipation of a reaction to what Harry said and what it meant for him. She looked at him gravely and asked, "Is that true?"

Ben felt his dam begin to fall. Keeping all of his fears of his wife's mother–mistress of evil–had only made him more ready to spill his tragedy once the barrier of secrecy was gone. Ben gestured in the direction of the hallway, an incredulous expression on his face as he explained, "She's right there, Mal! She's living in this castle, and–and I know she's just a lizard, but that doesn't make it any easier to accept. And no one on the staff is brave enough to feed her, so I volunteered to do it so you wouldn't have to worry, but every time I put my hand in her cage to drop the crickets in, she bites me!–" He stopped briefly to raise his bandaged fingers for her to see "–I have this awful feeling like I'm gonna wake up one day, and she'll have escaped so she can claw my eyes out or something like that."

Mal couldn't help the chuckle that rolled off her lips. Ben pressed his mouth into a firm line and sighed deeply through his nose, a little offended that she laughed at him. Mal put up her hands to quickly diffuse the misunderstanding. "I'm not laughing at you, I swear," Mal assured him, resting a hand against his chest. "But you really could have just come to me about it. I have no problem feeding my mom, as bizarre as that sounds."

"Wait, seriously?" Ben checked.

"Yes, of course," Mal affirmed, still amused that he thought she wouldn't be willing to help. "I'm kinda the reason she's here anyway. Let me take care of it."

The corners of Ben's mouth twitched a few times before pulling into a big, relieved smile. He suddenly picked up his wife and spun her around in a circle. Mal giggled in his arms as he praised, "You're the best, you know that?"

"I can stand to hear you say it more," Mal teased when he put her down.

Inspired by Harry's bravery and Ben's boldness, Doug turned to Evie and swallowed hard before admitting, "I am absolutely terrified of your mother." Evie furrowed her brow but listened patiently. "My father used to tell me stories of the infamous Evil Queen, and I know you're nothing like her, but I'm just so mortified by the idea that any elderly lady could be her, or any apple could be poisoned. It's what led to my malusdomesticaphobia."

"Your what?" Evie asked.

"My fear of apples," Doug clarified, pushing his glasses further up on his nose. "I looked it up."

"Well, Doug," Evie began in a tender voice. She looked down at him with a warm but confident smile, and it inspired the same confidence in Doug. "I can assure you that Evil Queen is on the Isle and never getting out. There will never be another poisoned apple."

When she said it, Doug had to believe it. She spoke with such vigor that he couldn't help but believe it. He smiled up at his beautiful-beyond-words wife and said, "Thanks, Evie."

"Anytime," she replied sweetly.

Now, Jay was the only one who hadn't given his wife any sort of explanation. He scraped all of the food crumbs off his shirt and stood up, knowing full well that he needed to be just as truthful as the other men. "You know I love living with you and your family in Northern Wei," Jay began, folding his hands together in front of him. "And your mom is a great role model for anyone to follow, but I feel like I can't so much as breathe around her. I know she's strict for my benefit and means well, but I can't help but be scared that if I eat a bag of chips, she'll run me through with my own sword."

"It can't be that bad, Jay," Lonnie countered.

"I brought a cupcake home yesterday, and a knife flew out of nowhere and impaled it into the wall!"

"Okay, I see your point," Lonnie conceded, tapping her chin in thought. She knew her mother was strict. Hell, her whole family was strict. They had to be! They protected the emperor! Still, she too would be terrified if her physical well-being were threatened every time she went off her diet–or at least more threatened than it already was by a stomach ache. "Look, I can ask my mom to chill with the weapons," Lonnie offered, and Jay's worried expression toned down. "But there is a healthy way to treat yourself, you know."

"Yeah, I know," Jay admitted guiltily. "I guess I'm worried about your parents thinking I'm a 'dishonorable husband' or something along those lines."

"Oh, Jay," Lonnie cooed, pulling his head down onto her shoulder in a comforting hug. His arms snaked around her waist and pulled her close. He definitely felt better knowing she didn't think he was a disgrace. "Don't worry about that," Lonnie advised caringly.

Uma smirked at the scene, which had started out rough but was now rather soft and endearing. Enough years in Auradon made her appreciate moments when the storm died down.

She looked down at Harry, who had scooted to the edge of his chair so he could rest the side of his head against her hip. She was still absent-mindedly stroking his shoulder, but she moved her hand to his head and ruffled his hair gently. Harry sighed deeply in response.

"Anything else you wanna tell me?" Uma offered in the hopes that she could help him like the others did.

"Nightmares…" Harry murmured against her leg before gazing up at her with a far-off look in his eyes. "Just a whole bunch of nightmares that keep me from sleepin' right. Usually, I'm deep underwater and running out of breath, but as I start to swim up, I get pulled down by these thick, black, bone-crushing–"

"I get the picture," Uma interjected, already having a perfect mental image without needing him to continue. Harry shuddered at the thought and rubbed his tired eyes with his thumb and forefinger, groaning in exhaustion. Uma patted his cheek gently and suggested, "You could always just talk to me about it."

"Ye think that'll help?" he asked doubtfully, careful not to sound rude.

"How many nightmares have I told you about?" she answered confidently.

Still fuzzy with exact numbers, Harry scrunched his face in concentration before resorting to, "A lot."

"And how many were recurring?"

Harry sighed, feeling more ignorant than ever, "Not many."

"Exactly," Uma simpered. "So we start there, and if these dreams still bother you, we can try something else."

"M'kay," Harry mumbled, leaning against her a little more. Uma felt accomplished on that front, but she also wanted to make sure he remembered one other thing.

"And Harry." He looked up at her at the sound of his name, but his eyes grew wide when he found the same death glare he was avoiding earlier. "If you ever lie to me again–"

"I won't," Harry quickly interjected, knowing full well this would be the last time he was ever dishonest with her.

Uma shrugged, rather pleased with herself, and picked up a random glass of wine from the table. "Works for me," she stated before sipping the sour liquid.

"So, wait a minute," Ben called the attention in the room to where he stood with Mal. He furrowed his brow in confusion. "You guys seriously aren't mad at us for making a group based around our fears of your mothers?"

"No!" Mal replied gleefully.

"Of course not!" Evie added.

"Our moms are terrible!" Uma cheered as she sat on the armrest of Harry's chair. Mal and Evie gave her approving looks, but Lonnie gave her a pointed frown. Uma swirled the wine in her glass and shot back at the acclaimed swordswoman, "Oh, don't look at me like that! You know I hate heroes just as much as I hate villains."

Lonnie shrugged, seeing the logic from the sea witch's perspective.

"What we're upset about," Evie went on, speaking on behalf of herself and her friends. "Is that you all felt the need to hide this from us."

"We didn't want you to worry," Doug told his wife, resting a hand on top of hers where it was placed on the back of his chair. "Or think any less of us."

"Yeah," Jay agreed with his friend after pulling out of Lonnie's embrace. He turned back to his wife and added, "Being around your dad already makes me feel like I don't meet the 'manly standards.'" Jay used air quotes to emphasize his point.

"But," Ben jumped in, finding it's the right time to stop making excuses. "I think I speak for all of us when I say we are very, very sorry."

The other men in the room nodded and mumbled their own apologies to their respective loves.

"We should've just gone to you guys first," Doug affirmed, earning a smile from Evie. "It seems like you all solved our problems more than these monthly meetings did."

The others agreed with Doug just as they had agreed with Ben, and the room felt much lighter already. The women were all very proud of their husbands for owning up to their mistakes, but that didn't mean the guys were in the clear.

"The apologies and flattery are nice, but you guys are still gonna make up for this," Mal declared, earning a few sounds of support from her fellow wives. She gestured to the room with one hand on her hip. "You guys are cleaning up this whole mess by yourselves," she stated, and Ben opened his mouth to cut in, but Mal was faster. "No servants."

"And let's not forget the clothes," Evie added, pinching Doug's wine-stained shirt between her finger and thumb.

"Mmmmmmmhm," Uma hummed with a pointed look at Harry's once pristine white, Navy-issued pants, also besmirched by red wine. Harry tried a sheepish chuckle, but Uma just sipped her own wine in disapproval.

"And ugh, do anyone else's feet hurt?" Lonnie asked her pals in purposefully exaggerated disdain. Lonnie folded her arms over her chest and set her jaw. "After wearing these heels all night, I could really use a foot rub."

"And my feet are the only thing you're gonna be touching for a while," Uma avowed, pursing her lips together and throwing a side-long glare in Harry's direction. Harry made a conscious effort not to look like a kicked puppy, but a sulky sigh escaped him.

"Okay, okay, I think that all makes a reasonable stipulation," Mal said contently to the room. She looked at Ben over her shoulder and quirked an eyebrow. "Do the terms sound fair?"

Ben gave her a warm smile, thankful that she didn't think he was a coward for being afraid of her lizard mother. He also had to admit that lying was always wrong, no matter how much pride was on the line. He hugged Mal from behind and rested his chin on her shoulder. "Very," he confirmed, turning his head to plant a sweet kiss on his True Love's lips.

Evie took a step back from Doug's chair and stuck out her hand in a professional manner. She was a business women after all, and Doug was her associate just as much as he was her husband. Doug grinned, stood up, and took Evie's hand in his. They gave each others' hands two firm shakes, and then Evie pulled him forward, giving him his own quick smooch.

Lonnie and Jay, two people who were not all that into formal gestures of agreement, looked at each other with friendly shrugs of mutual cluelessness. Jay offered his fist to her, and Lonnie let out a delighted chuckle before bumping her first against his. She was satisfied for the moment, but she still grabbed him by the shirt to pull his lips down to hers.

Uma set her now empty glass on the table and wiped a drop of wine from the corner of her mouth with her thumb. She turned to face Harry, who had his brows raised in anticipation. Uma rolled her eyes and held out her pinkie finger with a smirk. Harry eyed her finger with a knowing smile before wrapping his own pinkie around it with a playful tug, their own inside gesture of a deal being made. Uma leaned forward until her face was right in front of Harry's and paused, considering his eyes for a brief moment–and slowly killing Harry for an equal amount of time. She eventually gave in and pressed her lips to his, immediately feeling Harry's cat-like grin appear on his face.

"Alright, ladies," Mal addressed her friends once she pulled out of Ben's embrace. She grabbed a purple leather clutch off of a nearby nightstand and announced, "The night is still young, so let's get back to that club!"

A series of hoots and fist pumps came from the once more cheery women as they all separated from their husbands and migrated out of the living room. Mal was the last to leave, but before she disappeared behind the corner, she winked mischievously at Ben. "Have fun cleaning up!" she bade the men.

With that, she was gone. When they all heard the castle doors shut behind their wives, there was a long pause before Ben cleared his throat awkwardly. "So," he began shyly, stepping over an empty pizza box. "What's the moral of the story here, gents?"

"Don't lie to yer wife," Harry answered in a low tone, sinking dejectedly into his chair.

"Especially when she can be equally as scary as he mother," Jay added, and the others nodded in agreement before they all got to work. They had a long night of cleaning ahead of them.

* * *

 **Again, I have no idea what motivated me to write this, but it actually makes me laugh so hard. This is the kind of adult humor I would watch Grown Ups for! I know it's rather random, but let me know what you guys thought in the reviews. Did you like it? Did you not like it? Are Ben and his friends right in being scared of their Mothers-In-Law? Lemme know your thought! -JoJo, who still has no idea why she wrote this ;) 3**


End file.
